My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
