Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
