I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
where are you?
Hypothermia
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
