If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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