if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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