Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize