What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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