I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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