I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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