I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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