my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
