After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
