Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
