based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
