she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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