South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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