The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
