I bet he comes in French.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
