Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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