I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
