Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
