you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
