textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
