I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
