Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
