Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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