U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
