He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize