All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
