first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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