so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
