I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
What happened to fro yo and sex?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize