What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
