We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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