Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
