Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
