I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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