I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
