Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize