You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
