His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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