I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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