You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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