I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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