We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
