some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
