Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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