My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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