Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
