I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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