i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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