after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize