As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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