so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
