And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
