he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
