She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
