and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
