Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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