chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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