You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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