do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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