I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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