Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
