it's too hot outside to masturbate.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we're making bets on your personal life
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
