ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
