I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
