I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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