When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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