You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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