He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize