i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
